quote

It's not about being better than someone else. It's about being better than yourself... "yesterday!"

is it?

It's a true-love when you want him to be happy even if it means... the happiness is "without" you.
~ Wilson Kanadi

quote

If you think sunshine brings you "happiness".... then you haven't danced in the rain

~ Wilson Kanadi

CERN

Since he told me about CERN, i always aware to everything about it and even i follow their page.. Hehehe.. Awesome, brother.. Amazing! You get it! 

I know that you can make it. Yup.. It's only by His grace.. God lead all the process and He provide everything..

And, i will definitely make the next move.. Heheh.. As i ever told you before.. ^^ God lead us..

Source : Facebook (Michael Martin)

Selamat Hari Kartini

Source: Instagram

Last year, i didn't have instagram. 
Then, i saw this post in my friend's phone.. (ah, you don't know..)

I was really happy, and now seeing this post again..

"kau".. Is it dedicated to me? Only you and heaven know..

I am so thankful.. You there.. 
Thank you.. 

Selamat hari Kartini..

future

Remind me of what Kak Astri Napitupulu ever said..
"I'm not searching for present boyfriend, i'm searching for future husband.."

Kau mengenal hatiku..

Tuhan inilah yang ku tahu
Kau mengenal hatiku
Jauh melebihi semua yang terdekat sekalipun

Bahkan aku tidak memahaminya Bapa. Enggak.. Engkau yang melihat hati, aku bahkan tidak bisa memahami hatiku tapi aku tahu pasti Bapa, Kau yang lebih tahu hatiku.. Tetap jaga hatiku Bapa, selidiki hatiku dan senantiasa ajari aku mencintai-Mu lebih dan lebih lagi.. Ajari aku mengakui bahwa YOU are enough for me..

Better than I

I thought I did what’s right

I thought I had the answers

I thought I chose the surest road

But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight

And told You how to help me

Now just when I have given up

The truth is coming clear

You know better than I

You know the way

I’ve let go the need to know why

For You know better than I

If this has been a test

I cannot see the reason

But maybe knowing I don’t know

Is part of getting through

I try to do what’s best

And faith has made it easy

To see the best thing I can do

Is put my trust in You

For You know better than I

You know the way

I’ve let go the need to know why

For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky

I saw a bird and thought that I could follow

But it was You who taught that bird to fly

If I let you reach me will You teach me

For You know better than I

You know the way

I’ve let go the need to know why

I’ll take what answers You supply

You know better than I

A song by David Campbell.. Soundtrack for Joseph: King of Dream movie.

Last week, when i tried to understand.. My dear friend of mine sent me this song.. I never told her how was i, and she suddenly said, “I really love this song, semoga lagu ini memberkatimu juga.” Along my way back from my office, all i know was tears, and tears.. hahahah.. Yesterday, i phoned her and thanked for that song that she sent last week. Then, i said.. “Lagunya kena kalilah hahaha.. Makasih ya, Ci..” Sangat terberkati dengan lagu ini.. hahaha.. Si boru Tambunan na sada on, holan na tangis hahaha.. Yuppiiee, YOU know better than i.. ^_^

miss ya

I miss you, mom.. really miss you..

I need your shoulder, mom.. I really wanna book ticket, and leave all of this for a while...

Mak, waktu teleponan kemarin, kau harus mendengar celoteh-celoteh anak perempuanmu ini. Sebenarnya aku pengen nangis kali mak, mungkin aku menceritakannya sambil ketawa-ketawa, tapi dalam hati sebenarnya aku pengen nangis banget.. Tanpa kuberitahu pun sebenarnya kau sudah tahu mengapa aku nangis banget waktu teleponan minggu lalu. Dan, waktu aku cerita tetiba muncul keinginan kelak, 'Aku ingin anakku juga cerita kayak gini ke aku. Semuanya diceritakan.'

Pengen kali aku mak, bersandar di bahumu dan menangis sekencang-kencangnya, dan kau akan mengelus kepalaku, menenangkan aku, "Sudahlah, boru." Thank you Mom, for reminding me that HE is so good, always good all the time, and HIS time is always perfect not too soon, not late, prefect.. Yupp, Mom.. As you told me, the answer is not now, maybe it will take years.. can be one, two, five, eight, or even ten years or more.. hahaha.. Mak, jangan letih mamodai boru mu on da mak.. Stay awesome mom, i miss you.. 

doa

Dalam diam.. Hanya doa.. Ya.. Cukup DIA yang mendengar semua yang tak bisa terungkapkan dalam kata-kata saja.. Ketika aku hanya bisa mendoakanmu dari jauh.. Sudah cukup bagiku, tidak perlu kau tahu.. Cukup DIA..

Love you in my silence.. I don’t disturb you with this love.. I only “disturb” HIM with all my pray about you.. I only can whisper your name to Him.. And, only heaven knows best..

Pomparan Op. Hana

Tak terasa air mataku jatuh waktu melihat postingan Bapak di FB. Foto yang diambil sekitar 13 tahun yang lalu. Ya, saat ompung doli dan amang boru masih ada, dan Rafael belum lahir.

Ga terasa sudah lama sekali. Banyak, sudah banyak yang terjadi, dan lagi-lagi ucapan syukur yang berlimpah-limpah bagi DIA.

Ya, ompung doli sudah pergi..

Satu hal yang kuingat dari dia adalah "Malo ho ate boru. Rajin-rajin marsiajar da."

Ompung doli. Guru Tambunan, itu julukannya. 

Aku ingat waktu acara tahun baru 2003 itu di gereja, kami dipanggil pulang di tengah-tengah ibadah. "Ompung sekarat" itu katanya.

Akhirnya, satu-satu dipodain ompung. Dengan suara yang lemah, dan ga jelas lagi.. 

Dan, satu yang juga selalu kuingat apa yang dibilang ompung ke Bapak "Ho do na umjonok tu anggi dohot ibotom on, ingkon marsingkola do sude pahompuku."

(Tuh kan air matanya keluar)

Ya, kau sudah pergi Pung, selamat bertemu di kerajaan-Nya.

Teringatnyalah dulu.. Ada seseorang yang selalu bilang mukaku kotak, Pung.. Perasaan hanya dia yang selalu bilang itu, "Mukakmu kotak kali." Hahahah.. Ya, selalu dibilangnya itu. Andaikan, bisa kukasih tunjuk fotomu Pung ke dia, biar dia tahu itu dari kau, hahaha.. 

Seperti masih kemarin, aku, Ruth, kak Hana, Michael, Kak Ave, Nita, Pahala, Masti, Poniton,  pergi ke sawah nangkap ikan mas dan mujahir. Pulang hujan-hujanan sambil membawa ikan tangkapan yang dibakar masing-masing. Sudah lama sekali ternyata. Dan sudah lama aku tidak pulang kampung.

Sekarang sudah banyak berubah. Aku bahkan sudah jadi "tante". Bang Andri, Kak Fina, Kak Dedek sudah berkeluarga, and the next generation is us. Hahahah.. Masih lama la itu. 

Jadi teringat apa yang dibilang si Rafa.

"Jadi kau tulang si El lah ya, bang."

"Ya kak. Kau tantenya si El."

"Ya ya. Aku sudah jadi tante."

"Iya kak.Panggi nya mana?"

"Hah? Maksudnya?"

Then, a moment later i realized what he meant. Ckckck..

Hahhaha.. Ya, banyak berkat yang tak terhitung di pomparan Ompung Hana ini..

Ya, sehat-sehat la ompung boru kami, mamak, bapak, maktua, paktua, inang uda, bapa uda, bou dan amang boru.. Asa dibereng hamu hami anak-anakmu on sukses jala gabe halak na hasea, jadi garam dan berkat tu joloan ni ari na ate. 

Tangianghon hami..

- the last one thing-

Markus 10:20-21  Lalu kata orang itu kepada-Nya: "Guru, semuanya itu telah kuturuti sejak masa mudaku." Tetapi Yesus memandang dia dan menaruh kasih kepadanya, lalu berkata kepadanya: "Hanya satu lagi kekuranganmu: pergilah, juallah apa yang kaumiliki dan berikanlah itu kepada orang-orang miskin, maka engkau akan beroleh harta di sorga, kemudian datanglah ke mari dan ikutlah Aku."

There are times when we feel like, I've given it all. I've done all of my best in following Jesus, in pleasing His heart. Abraham, has been there, has done that. He left his beloved hometown, to the place unknown. His wonderful faith in believing God marked his name as the father of faith. Yet, God asked him more; his beloved son.

There are times when God wants not only our bravery in following him, but also to give that 'Ishak.' There are times when  God points it out "hanya satu kekuranganmu," the ones we hold the most, the one we dear the most.

For some, it may talk about money, ambition, career; for others, it may talk about comfort zone, while for another person, it may talk about family,  relationship and the ones we love and deem to protect.

We may grumble and say it loud, "God, that's not just about one thing. Come one, we are talking about my future, my ambition Lord, my career, my family. They are important things. They are the most important things in my life. That's are not just a mere one thing."

When God points it out, He doesnt do that in a state of anger and cruelty, He  is looking at you and loving you while gently saying, you lack one thing. He knows it right, compare to the enjoyment of eternity, compare to the stronger faith you will have before, compare to the deeper knowledge of God; those very important things is just a mere one thing in God's sight...

Whenever that moment comes, when He shows you that particular one thing, through the bible,  godly friends and counsels, or whatever it is, pray for boldness to cross over the river. Ask Him to give you the courage to follow Him no matter it takes, the heart to give it all in His feet so that you can freely submit into His will and leave that one Thing in His caring Hands. 

-Kak moren

p.s. Menerima pesan ini pagi ini. Sunggul-sunggul pagi ini. Terima kasih Tuhan.

Pray First

Renungan hari ini dari Our Daily Bread..

Does prayer guide our lives, or is it our last resort when trouble strikes? We sometimes fall into the habit of making plans and then asking God to bless them, or praying only in moments of desperation. God does want us to turn to Him in moments of need. But He also wants us to remember that we need Him all the time (Prov. 3:5-6).

ku tak akan menyerah

Randomly..

Maybe, it has became a habit for me, bring my phone to bathroom and play shuffle song, sing like "freaky one" while i'm washing all my clothes.. ahahha.. A bit crazy maybe, but i think music can decrease my "stress" to wash hahaha.. (Until this time, i can't trust my clothes to laundry. Although, there will be time i can get "huge" amount of my clothes, it'll be better to wash them by my self. Hahaha..)

So that's the prolog. ^^

And, yesterday, i did my "washing ritual".

Suddenly, this song was played.

A song by Jonathan Prawira, Ku Tak Akan Menyerah

Dalam segala perkara, Tuhan punya rencana

Yang lebih besar dari, semua yang terpikirkan

Apapun yang kau perbuat, tak ada maksud jahat

Sbab itu kulakukan semua denganMu Tuhan

Ku tak akan menyerah, pada apapun juga

Sebelum ku coba semua yang ku bisa

Tetapi ku berserah kepada kehendakmu

Hatiku percaya Tuhan punya rencana

It threw me back to the memories of my last year in senior high school. Ya, almost five years ago.

All i remembered is listening this song while i had my "modes" in the class. I and Cate as my tablemate used to play this song in our mp3. And, even both of us sang this song in the Sunday fellowship in the dorm (Persembahan pujian). Yupp, this song is really meaningful for me until this time.

Dalam segala perkara, Tuhan punya rencana

Yang lebih besar dari, semua yang terpikirkan

Five years ago, in this day, i was in Medan. 

We went to Medan to have SIMAK UI. Yupp.. I remember that we arrived in Medan about 12 a.m., April 10th, 2010.. 

We were waiting Armel's parent to take us. And, we greeted a happy birthday to Marlina after a moment we realized that it had been April 10th in the roadside.. ^^ Hhahaha.. That moment was so "something".. I don't know that they're remembering it.

Yupp! We got in to Armel's house and directly took a rest. The next day we celebrated Marlina's birthday.. Ya, we couldn't study anymore.. Hahaha..

Then, it was the day.. We had SIMAK UI..

And, after we finished them, we promised each other not to discuss them.. Hahahaha "Udah ga usah dibahas" And, after that, all i remember is "ICE CREAM" >o< Yuhuuuuu..

Apapun yang kau perbuat, tak ada maksud jahat

Yup, God want me to study more, i failed in SIMAK UI. Then, thank to GOD, the next test i got Accounting USU. My parent told me that it had been enough, "Sudah nang, ambil aja Akuntansi itu." 

S'bab itu kulakukan semua denganMu Tuhan

But at the time i remembered that Bu D. Sitepu. "Kalau berdoa, jangan selingkuh!"
Actually, i didn't know exact time i want that major, and after many consideration, i decided to take the major.

"Kalau berdoa, jangan selingkuh!" 

When you pray for one, don't pray for another one. Just pray for it and only it, because the answer can be "yes, no, or wait". Then i told my parent that i was going to take the last test, and they said "Ya nang, ham ma, doa kami besertamunya selalu apapun keputusan yang kau ambil."

Ku tak akan menyerah, pada apapun juga

Sebelum ku coba semua yang ku bisa

Ya, i took the test. And, it's only by HIS grace, i can finish my four years in Management, finance concentration.. I thank GOD, i'm in HIS care.. ^^

Tetapi ku berserah kepada kehendakmu

Hatiku percaya Tuhan punya rencana

Me in five years ago and me in today..

So, what have i experienced along this years?

All i can say is "HOW GREAT THOU ART"
So, i still have a long journey ahead. Ya, i won't give up, surrender to HIM, and believe GOD has great plan, always.. My journey is only from HIM and through HIM and for HIM.
^_^

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad..

April 3rd, '15

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad..

Bertepatan dengan hari Jumat Agung tahun ini..
Ya.. sudah 23 tahun ya mak, pak..
hahahah.. lang terasa tene..

Ya.. setiap hari ulang tahun pernikahan kalian yang kuingat adalah our ridiculuous question, "Waktu orang mamak sama bapak nikah kami dititipkan di rumah ompung ya?"
hahahah.. Ga akan kulupakan itu mak, pak. It's really memorable.

Ya, aku ingat kalau aku dan Ruth dulu sering melihat-lihat album foto nikahan mamak sama bapak.
^^

Conference call kemarin..
Yah, aku akui semua perasaanku campur aduk dan ga jelas..
Dan, akhirnya my wall was broken, i can't hold my tears ketika aku tanyakan apa kesan bapak tentang pernikahan 23 tahun mereka ini..
"Luar biasa berkat Tuhan, nang."

Ya benar, sangat luar biasa berkat Tuhan dalam hidup kita satu keluarga mak, pak.
Yah, ada naik turun dalam keluarga kita, tapi jika kita lihat ke belakang, ya benar.. hanya ucapan syukur yang berlimpah kepada Dia..

Banyaklah yang dialami keluarga kita, yah ga semua indah seperti kisah fairy tale, tapi penyertaan-Nya sangat indah..
Hehehe

Bapak..
Masih ingat aku Pak.. Pak Tambunan yang keras, alai panganju do tong. Habis dimuruki iba, dianju do tong. Hahah..
Padahal kayaknya baru kemarin kita kerjanya hanya marbadai ya Pak. Sama-sama keras.. hahaha..
Pi, ya kau benar, kau memang ga terbandingkan, ya saat aku bilang akan mencari teman hidupku yang seperti bapak.. Hehehe..
But, yeah you are succesful to give me a standard for my life partner.

Mamak..
Mi, hahaha.. Teladan doaku, teladan dalam semua-semuanya..
Hahaha, waktu kita teleponan, Mi, aku nyaris lupa kita pernah jualan dadar, mie goreng yang dibungkus, dll.. Yupp you did it for us.. Mi.. hahah.. You are our wonderful woman..
Yah, ga bisa dipungkiri kita sering berbeda opini dan lain-lain, tapi satu hal Mi, aku paling ga bisa melawan Mami.. Dan, aku salut sama Mami, "Tetap berdoa, nang. Didoakan semuanya. Dan tetap bersandar sama Tuhan."
Yes, mom, i hope i can be like you..
"Partner terbaikku" itulah kata bapak..

Happy anniv mom, dad..
yaa.. Tuhan berkati keluarga ini..
Dan, biarlah kita menjadi garam dan terang di mana pun kita berlima berada..
terakhir.. stay awesome mom, dad..

Good Friday

April 3rd, '15

Good Friday..
Jumat Agung..

Wafat-Mu ya Tuhan..
Yah, hari itu kami berencana gereja di HKBP Pasar Minggu..

Firman Tuhan dari Rom 11:33 - 12:8
Molo Pandita i manungkun..
"Apakah yang telah kau lakukan manghongkop Ahu?"
(Rada lupa)

Memaknai Jumat Agung ini, firman Tuhan mengingatkan segala jalan dan rencana Tuhan adalah jalan-jalan dan rencana Tuhan itu di luar jalan pikiran manusia.
"O, alangkah dalamnya kekayaan, hikmat dan pengetahuan Allah! Sungguh tak terselidiki keputusan-keputusan-Nya dan sungguh tak terselami jalan-jalan-Nya!"
Roma 11:33
Karya penyelamatan Tuhan itu di luar jalan pikiran manusia. Pengorbanan-Nya di kayu salib menuntut kita sebagai manusia untuk lebih mengakui setiap rencana Tuhan.

Ya, selain itu kita dituntut untuk mempersembahkan tubuh kita sebagai persembahan yang hidup.
"Sebab segala sesuatu adalah dari Dia, dan oleh Dia, dan kepada Dia: Bagi Dialah kemuliaan sampai selama-lamanya!"
Roma 11:36
Yup.. segala sesuatu adalah dari Dia, dan oleh Dia dan kepada Dia.. Berikan diri kita sebagai persembahan yang hidup dan dipakai untuk Kerajaan Allah.

Terakhir, pakailah karunia-karunia yang telah diberikan bagi kita untuk memaknai perngorbanan Yesus di kayu salib.

Maundy Thursday

April 2nd, '15

It was Thursday..
It was Maundy Thursday..

In the morning, i was really confused, "Will i make it to the church in time?"
Ya, those last few days, i really wanted to be alone, enjoying His presence..
I brought my jeans and my bible.

In the last few minutes of my work times, suddenly heavy rain came. But, because i have decided going to the church, direcly i took "ojek" and went to GKI Kwitang.
I just thought that i would be late, but thank God, I arrived in perfect time..

Ya, puji Tuhan.. Hujan deras di hari Kamis Putih..
Tiba di gereja tepat waktu.

Yah, ibadah Kamis Putih itu berlangsung sangat hikmat.

"Supaya orang-orang tahu bahwa kamu adalah murid-Ku"
Demikian tema untuk amlam Kamis Putih..

Maundy Thursday..
Berasal dari kata "Mandat"
Yah, Kamis Putih adalah mandat. Ya mandat Yesus kepada murid-murid-Nya (termasuk kita) untuk saling melayani, mengasihi satu sama lain.

Yah, ada acara saling menyuap nasi. itu adalah hal yang pertama kali untukku. Dan, hal tersebut mengingatkan bahwa setiap pribadi harus saling mengasihi dan melayani.

Saat tiba di gereja agak sedikit terkejut juga saat melihat adanya kain putih dan adanya tempat pembasuhan kaki. Wah, aku pikir waktu pembasuhan kaki Tim Inti kemarin jadi terakhir bagiku.. hahaha..
Ya.. ada acara pemabasuhan kaki..

Terima kasih ya Tuhan, Engkau mengetuk pintu hatiku untuk datang ke rumahku.

Kamis Putih..
yah, meskipun banyak yang berkecamuk di kepalaku,
terima kasih buat Pribadi yang selalu menenangkan aku..

Back in time

Lyn - Back in Time (The Moon that Embraces the Sun OST)

Back in Time

As the sky darkens into the night 

Memories, cold as the rain outside
Pounding on my window
Pouring into my mind
My heart, is filled with thoughts of you

Trapped within these painful walls
Longing to be rescued
Can't I travel back in time to be with you
Just to feel you close
Your arms wrapped around me
Then, I'll know I'm alright again

Following, the dark and rainy road
Looking back, to what our story holds
Our love so pure and true
Reminding me of you
My eyes are filled with tears thinking of you

Trapped within these painful walls
Longing to be rescued
Can't I travel back in time to be with you
Just to feel you close
Your arms wrapped around me
Then, I'll know I'm alright again

Scattered in time
All my memories of you
You're by my side
Don't let me go
Can I travel back in time? Hold you here in my arms
Just a chance to be with you For one last time
If I have to live
In this world without you
Please, give me one last kiss? 

Dance

We ever did this dance in FT, right? Hahaha.. You forgot..
But i won't...

Under the night full of stars..
In Technic Faculty..
Yaa.. Just you and me..
Yah.. only us..

The Sound of Music - Maria and the Captain dance the Laendler: 

The Sound of Music

-__-

Huaaa.. ya gini..
Pagi-pagi sudah degdegan.. Apalah nanti ditanya..
Ya, Bapa.. Tahu aku.. Sudah banyak dosa dan kesalahan yang telah kulakukan yang kurang berkenan di hati-Mu.. Bapa, ampuni aku akan semua dosa dan kesalahan yang mendukakan hati-Mu.
Takut aku, Bapa.. Bantu aku berbicara dan bimbing aku dalam setiap perkataanku ya, Bapa.. Apapun nanti yang ditanya, i really need Your guidance for answering all the questions..